Grief

January 2026

Man. This is a tough one. I feel like I have spent my whole life grieving—or pre-grieving—which I guess is the same thing as regular grieving.

I’m facing an upcoming loss of a family member. I don’t have a timeline, but I know it’s coming sooner rather than later. I know my grandpa’s time is coming to an end. This brings up a lot of emotions from my other grandpa’s passing, along with feelings of other kinds of grief.

I feel like I was brought into this world grieving. My mom’s mom passed 12 days before I was born—suddenly. Following that, my family friend “Grandpa” Ronnie passed, then my family’s pastor, then my mom’s aunt died tragically in a car accident. All of these deaths felt a bit far away from me. Then, when I was 14, my Papa Charlie died. That was the main death that affected me. That really broke me. That, compounded with my brother’s health issues, left me in shambles throughout my high school years.

Another form of grief that follows me is the loss of what my brother’s life would—or could—have been had he not faced the health issues he does. He would be driving now. What would he be into? Would he have liked sports, or art, or music? This grief is immediately followed by guilt. How could I even think of another life? He has given me purpose in my life, and he’s perfect. I’m so lucky to be his sister. The older I get, the more I realize both things can be true. I didn’t get the life I wanted. He didn’t get the life he wanted. But we are so blessed to have the life we currently have.

I’ve also learned that grief never goes away. You just build your life around it. I’ll always carry that grief with me. It’s always there. I still cry until I throw up about missing my grandpa. Although it never goes away, it changes. Grief changes you. I am a different person having lost my grandpa. There was a before he passed, and then there’s after.

Why I Will *Never* Share My Apple Music Wrapped

Everyone knows at the end of the year Spotify and Apple Music release your end-of-year wrapped, including all the top music you’ve listened to over the year. Now, I am team Apple Music, but that is a blog post in and of itself. However, you will never catch me sharing my Apple Music top artists for the year.

My relationship with music feels deeply personal. What I listen to is a reflection of my feelings and place in life. Why would I share that personal information with people? Uh, no. I’ll share what songs I want to share, but another big reason I won’t share it is…

IT IS EMBARRASSING!!!

I am not one of those people who listens strictly to music that I think is high-quality or critically impressive. Sometimes I want to listen to fun music! Music I don’t necessarily think is good, just fun. I don’t need to invite people to judge what I listen to the most.

I’ll discuss music with anyone who wants to talk—but the deep stuff? Nah. That’s just for me.

Alright, let’s settle this once and for all

Everyone who’s ever watched Dawson’s Creek has an opinion about the whole Pacey vs. Dawson love triangle with Joey Potter. And honestly, anyone with sense knows Pacey wins. I’m Team Pacey all the way—no questions asked. Let’s get into it.

Dawson: The “Hopeless Romantic”… or Just Annoying?

Look, Dawson had his moments. But his “hopeless romantic” act can be so frustrating. He didn’t even notice Joey until after Jen—like, hello? (Season 1, Episode 1 “Pilot”) And for someone so obsessed with love, he can be clueless about what’s literally staring him in the face.

Why Pacey is the Undisputed Champion

Now let’s talk Pacey, the real MVP of the show.

Subtle and Sweet

Remember when he bought Joey that wall to paint? (Season 3, Episode 19 “True Love”) Not flashy, not over-the-top… just thoughtful, personal, and perfect.

Loyal and Kind

With Andie, he was patient, gentle, and actually listened (Season 2, Episodes 15–16 “Double Date” / “Are You Ready for the Fallout?”). That’s a level of care Dawson just can’t match.

Growth and Bromance

From class clown to self-aware young adult, Pacey grows so much. And his friendship with Dawson? (Season 3, Episode 23 “The Long Goodbye”)—he has Dawson’s back even while following his own heart. Classic Pacey.

The Verdict

So yeah, looking back now, it’s pretty obvious: Pacey is the winner. Dawson’s dreamy monologues are cute and all, but Pacey? He’s charming, funny, and actually gets it. He’s the reason this love triangle is still iconic.

My Top 5 Favorite Albums